Tuesday, March 15, 2011


Okay seriously, I fail at this whole weight loss thing. I'm still lacking motivation even though I really want to lose the weight. I just can't seem to get into it. I know I'm one of those people who wants instant result so obviously weight loss is going to be hard for me just for the mere fact that it's not instant. I know it takes work. I know it takes time. I just can't seem to cope with that.

Everyday I look at myself in the mirror, I end up hating myself more and more. I don't even like having my husband look at me because I'm so disgusted with myself. He says he loves me and that I'm still good-looking to him but I know I'm not. I'm seriously getting bigger every day. There are new stretch marks everywhere. I just look awful. I can't even wear most of my clothes anymore. It used to be just about half of my clothes that I couldn't wear. Now the t-shirts that I used to wear to cover up my fat....even they are getting tight. Most days I don't even want to leave the house because I don't want to be seen in public.

I don't want to be fat anymore. I REALLY SERIOUSLY DON'T!!!!!!! I just don't know what to do to get myself more into working out and eating right. I want to be healthy, I want to look good, I want to like myself...even love myself again. I just don't know how to get there. I'm just stuck in this never ending cycle of getting bigger and bigger. I need to figure something else out. I need to find out how to really kick myself into gear and get to a place where I start seeing result so that I don't give up. I mean, the other day I ate 5 slices of cheese stuffed crust pizza and 3 cheese sticks. I just give into my cravings where ever and whenever without a thought or care. I don't want to be like that anymore but I can't seem to stop eating.

Another problem I have is my thyroid. I have hypothyroidism, which means my thyroid is under active and it is harder for me to lose weight. I feel like I use that as an excuse sometimes but I know I should get back on my medications and find ways to work around it. There are just so many things I need to work through to really get to a place where I can be happy and comfortable with myself. I think the first thing I need to do is get on a real sleep schedule. No more staying up until 3,4, or 5 in the morning and sleeping until 1,2, or 3 in the afternoon. Speaking of which, I better get to bed now. Have to be up early in the morning.


  1. Hang in there!!! I know the whole weight thing can be a beast, especially with self-esteem. I'm so sorry you're having a rough time! I know a good should come to ZUMBA! It is so fun. I guess I don't know where you're living right now? But if you have a pass to the rec center the class is free. It's fun and there are all kind of people there, so it's easy to fit in and not feel self conscious (this was important for me, as I easily feel self-conscious)

    Don't lose hope!! Some easy tips that have helped me are:

    ~Try to drink only water. LOTS of calories come from other drinks that we don't even think about. Water is also important to flush out the system.
    ~Go walking. Especially now that the weather is warm. :)
    ~Do exercise that you ENJOY...that you don't do just for the exercise. I personally love dancing so breakdance and Zumba work wonders for me.
    ~Don't ban foods, just shrink the portion sizes.
    ~If you don't have it, you won't eat it. Don't buy foods you know will make you feel guilty for eating.
    ~LOVE are BEAUTIFUL and wonderful and talented, and your worth does not depend on how much you weigh! It can be SO hard to really believe this sometimes, but it is true.

    I hope this helps and doesn't sound is stuff I am learning and doing every day because I've struggled with this too! Good luck!


  2. Emily I love you! This post seriously is about to make me cry. You are so beautiful and it breaks my heart to hear that you don't think so. I've been reading through all of your posts and you are so inspiring! Please don't give up on your goal, the first three weeks of trying to be healthier are the hardest!!
    It's not fair that us girls have to have all this pressure to look a certain way and be a certain weight, who the hell decides what's good and what's bad, and why do they get all the say? I think you're so pretty and one of the greatest girls I know. I love you Emily, being a girl is the hardest thing in the world, hang in there! You're fantastic!! Text or call me any time you need uplifting, I can go on and on about all the things I love about you. You're awesome. Really.
    I love you Emily! Stay strong!!
    Love, Candice.

  3. ALSO, if you're looking for a good diet, there's one called the G.I. (Glycemic Index) diet. I've done it before and it's hard the first week or two, but then it gets so easy! It's made for diabetics, but it will work for anyone. It's more of a heathstyle and less like a diet. it has guidelines like a stoplight, red foods you can't eat, yellow you can sometimes eaqt, and green you can always eat. And there are some gooood foods in the green. I highly recommend it and really think you should at least look into it.

    I love you!